A lot of bloggers talk about how they like to 'keep it positive' on their blogs. How they know that everyone has their problems and so therefore they strive to err on the side of happiness so that people will want to read. If they talk about the hard stuff in their lives, then readers won't want to listen because why read something that is as depressing as your own life?
I'm afraid my blog is becoming that sad blog.
I haven't been blogging for that very reason. I wanted to avoid being the 'sad blog.' But, screw it, sad feelings are a part of life. And blogs are supposed to be a part of your life, right?
My life is in a weird, transitory place right now. I hate school, but I desperately want to finish my degree. Therefore, I'm stuck in misery for another year. I want to move to NYC when I finish school, but everything I have known for the past ten years is in Maryland and I don't want to leave that behind. I am struggling to get over an ex-boyfriend who was and still is a complete asshole to me. But, everything reminds me of him and he won't ever leave me alone. So, I still want to leave to get away from him.
See where I'm at right now?
Part of me wonders when things are going to get better. I've felt trapped like this since I got dumped by the same shitty ex-boyfriend. Yes, there have been amazing things that have happened since. But, in general, I have not been a happy person. Partly because I was upset about him. But, partly because I haven't been able to find happiness. Most days I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. What's a girl to do?
That's why I want a clean start. I want to try again and remake myself to be that happy person. But, that new start comes with reluctance and with reluctance comes new sadness. It's a never-ending cycle that I am not sure how to handle. I want to be happy. I want to find someone who makes me happy. I want to find happiness in school
But finding happiness is easier said than done for me right now.
I know I've been kind of vague about what is and isn't making me happy but at the same time, I've been very truthful. I feel unhappy because of a result of a lot of things in my life - there isn't a specific event that has brought me here. It's a mass exodus of things and I'm sick of it.
Any tips?
PS. I don't know if I've told you, but I have a facebook page for this ol' blog now. Come join me?
I made the big jump from DC to NYC 3 days after I graduated college and I can't recommend doing it enough. I knew a grand total of 3 people when I moved there...it was scary and amazing at the same time. It was hard at times but I learned a lot about myself and I know I would've regretted it if I hadn't gone for it. I ended up deciding NYC wasn't for me but I wouldn't trade my year and a half there for anything.
ReplyDeleteI've been in a rut like yours before and the best advice I can give you is to start forcing yourself to get back out there. Join an activity (social sport league, volunteer group, book club?), make more plans with friends, or even just go walk around the mall or sit in a coffee shop. When I first starting forcing myself to get out of my funk and participate in things, I was miserable but after a few weeks I started truly enjoying all the activities again.
I think a move would be good for you.
ReplyDeleteI did it when I was 19 (from PA to FL) and it was the best decision I've ever made on so many levels. It let me figure myself out and really enjoy that time in my life.
I missed home, don't get me wrong...but the pushing myself outside my comfort zone and struggling a bit, really helped shaped me and get my stuff together.
I have been through a tough time this past year, dealing with ending a 13 year friendship with my former Best Friend. It was a brudal ending and a lot of people were affected by it. My Grandpa Died, We put my family pup of 12 years down, and I hate school. -- Therefore, I Definitley know what you are going through and how you feel. Somedays I just feel "What is the Point," because I am so frusterated. But, it's been getting better..A lot better.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Simply because I refuse to give up and stop fighting, because if I do..the cruel world around me wins and that's all the people who are against me what to see, is me fail.
A year ago, I started a Series, within my blog, called "Happiness: Growing and Regaining"....and yes, it started as a way to get my frusterations out, but then I started learning something after the 3rd post. I started to learn more about who I am as myself, Ashlee Michelle, and I started regaining that confidence and happiness again. So maybe You'd like to read them..or some of them..and see how it applies to you and if it can help.
http://lifeofashlee.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html
You'll get past this slum, and I'm not saying it will be easy, but you are going to have to fight to bring that happiness you deserve back into your life. :)
-Ashlee Michelle
http://lifeofashlee.blogspot.com/
I'm glad you were honest! I think I have a hard time sometimes keeping my blog happy when at that moment I sit down to write, I'm so very sad. Yes, I tend to write mostly positive stuff, but that's because I am positive. And I think you are too! Maybe start small with finding happiness? Just doing little things. My wake up call at a very low point in my life was reading "The Secret." And every time I feel like I'm entering that low point again, I flip to a random page and start reading. I don't know why this (and going running) helps so much, but it does. It may not be the same for you, but I hope you find just a tiny something to make you smile.
ReplyDeleteLife isn't always puppies and unicorns. And personally, I love it when people can be honest on their blog about things like that. It's easy to pretend to smile online when all you really want to do is curl up in your bed and cry. It takes a lot of guts.
ReplyDeleteI think that you realize you want to be happy, it's just not happening yet, and that's great. It's a good step forward. Sometimes the thought of change can cause a great sadness in us too. Just focus on those amazing things that have happened, and hopefully soon that's all you'll see in your future.
And just know, that we're here for you. The blogging community is full of amazingly smart, helpful and caring people. Post your sad stuff, get it out so that you can make room for the happy in your life.
We're not going anywhere.
I made a huge move myself right after high school. I used to live in WA. I absolutely HATED it there, but I had so much there. I didn't want to leave all my friends and everything. I did however, need a change badly. That's when I decided an impromptu move to DC. Let me tell you, best decision i ever made. I really needed this change in my life, and I needed to let go of high school past. I feel like i've grown up so much since moving here, specially not being surrounded by people I went to high school with!
ReplyDeleteI think moving to NY after college will be such a an amazing experience for you! Sometimes everyone needs a change in their life :)
Look at this love you're getting...love it! We've already vented so you know where I stand. Live your life to the fullest, rid your life of all the bullshit & bullshiters cause it's not productive & definitely make the move :)
ReplyDeleteoh goodness. i think at some point in our lives, we all go through something like this. here are some good tips I have gotten that have helped me:
ReplyDelete1. at the end of each day, write down three things you liked about the day that made you happy. i haven't done this in awhile, but i keep them in a little book on my bedside.
2. each day, wake up and fake happy. say things to yourself, like today is going to be a good day. or, i am so happy. even if you are lying to yourself, it actually starts to sink in and you are no longer faking it. it is also important to say these things after something shitty happens like, that's ok, the day will still be a good one. i know this sounds corny but it helps.
3. if all else fails, see a therapist. no really. it is helpful to get an objective perspective. i don't go every week, just when i need it.
http://lachapstickfanatique.blogspot.com
I think you should speak from what is in your heart. We all have our ups and downs in life. I've had lots of downs and didn't necessarily share it all on my blog but I did do posts on things that made me happy. You'll find your own path but you'll get there...don't give up! If you get a sec, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest posts and enter to win my giveaway!
ReplyDeletepeacelovedecor.com